By Janeth Campoverde
In the darkness the shadows come to life and the lack of colors creates hidden images. - Omar Silva
The latest records issued by the Attorney General's Office and the Map of Femicides in Ecuador of the Aldea Foundation, as of May 30 of this year, indicate that between January and April 2021, 24 femicides have been registered, a figure that reflects an increase of 55% more, compared to the same period of 2020 (15).
In recent weeks there have been several known attacks on different educational institutions or workplaces in different parts of the world, which have been perpetrated with firearms and sophisticated caliber; Russia, USA and other places have been the scenarios where the attackers, usually at some point in their lives, developed some kind of activity in the ambushed place, either as students or workers.
If we review the content of some social networks and especially when the topics have a political, social, religious, entertainment or perhaps cultural dye, where Internet users are agglutinated and decide to place themselves according to the side that suits their emotionality of the moment, in many occasions we will find discussions with elevated tones, not to say grotesque, vulgar and even without argument, just for the fact of “giving their opinion” arguing that they are making use of their “freedom” to comment because the first comment that “upset” them is there, floating in any space of the web.
I am sure at this point you are wondering, and what is the purpose of this article with three seemingly unrelated situations? Let me point out that the common denominator is the “dark side of communication”.
Did you know that communication has a dark side? It is very likely that many do not really know what it refers to, because for some hidden reason, it is not spoken of its existence and much less of the elements that characterize it, because when identifying them, definitely many of the readers will verify that consciously and unconsciously, we jump to that side constantly.
Thus, Duck (1994) concluded that “the relational significance of unpleasantness in the daily lives of ordinary mortals has been seriously underrepresented in theory and research”, and it is better not to study it or to leave it under the table, so as not to make too much noise. Why talk about a dark side if what sells the most are topics such as assertive, empathic, positive and even the so-called conscious communication, and this is where another question arises: Are these types of communication understood, applied and shared?
Before proceeding to the explanation of this dark side, I ask a few questions, which will further clarify the subject. Have they ever assigned nicknames or given them to someone, have they been sarcastic with someone because there is no other way to make them understand a situation, how often do they swear because they are angry or is that language part of their everyday speech, how many times do they swear because they are angry or is that language part of their everyday speech? I could go on with questions of that style, although I prefer to leave them for later understanding.
Mortensen (1997) indicated that people often enter a conversation with preconceived ideas that make “miscommunication” possible, which results in negative communication. Day by day, regardless of the occupation we develop, we communicate with those people who are in our environment, whether family, work, academic, community or other, and we exchange all kinds of messages, which always carry an emotional charge, depending on the state in which we find ourselves, and on several occasions, our conversations carry an unpleasant content that we do not recognize when we emit it and we assume that others have the obligation to receive, process and accept it. That is when we open the door and jump into the dark side of communication. At that moment, even unconsciously (because it is the easiest justification), we give way to uncontrolled arguments, without negotiation; to offenses with pejorative messages; humiliations appear with a high load of contempt; grotesque and dehumanizing insults begin to dance; contempt and revenge that have been repressed for a long time, wander and manifest themselves with physical, verbal or psychological violence.
The data of femicides that have a terrible increase in our country show us that the protagonists were not able to establish ways of communication that lead them to a common understanding, to a conciliatory reasoning or a more civilized way out; instead, the statistics of violence increased, and the problem does not stop there, families are dismembered, psychological damage arises in its members and perhaps the seed of hatred and revenge is sown. Do not be surprised if history repeats itself.
For a long time we have known about violent attacks, aimed at educational institutions or workplaces; the United States has been one of the countries where the largest number of these events is registered, being 2019 the year with the highest number of attacks (41 with 211 deaths). A common denominator is the harassment (bullying) that the attackers received in the place, either by their peers or other people, and they did not receive the due or desired protection or defense. It should be clarified that this country is not the only one with this type of situation, but it has to its credit the highest number of violent events of this type, where after the investigations, generally, the perpetrator or perpetrators state that they have suffered some kind of censure, attack or harassment from their peers or staff of the place. Do we know the reasons why the perpetrators made the decision to attack? Did no one perceive that “that person” needed to communicate and that disgust, anger or betrayal, transformed into violence, pushing him to cross the negative boundary that led him to the “dark side of communication”?. It should be understood that the facts are not justified, although it should be understood that in some cases, they could have been avoided.
The third example cited in this article are the negative messages that we find daily on social networks, especially those that invite disputes and participants take advantage of them to distill anger and hatred; they are offensive, disrespectful and unworthy. When reading such a message, have you ever wondered who is behind it? What are the reasons or emotions of the sender? Why is it easier to attack and denigrate instead of conciliating? Turner and West (2005) argued that individuals act and communicate according to their ethical standards and Howell (1986) indicated that the pace and timing of the conversation, the environment and human relationships affect the application of ethical standards. I would dare to assert that in the new environments where immediacy prevails and there is a backlash between the one who gives an opinion faster and irrationally, as long as the norms and approaches necessary for a civilized coexistence are not established from the main cell of society (the family), many individuals will stumble and expel insulting, offensive and aggravating messages, which will constantly lead them to cross and remain in the dark side of communication.
Knowing that there is this dark side of communication should not frighten us and much less block us in our daily routines and in the establishment of rewarding relationships; it is better that now, with this premise, we determine the guidelines to develop a conscious communication in all the environments in which we develop, capable of establishing mutual understandings with others. We need to understand and manage negative communication to avoid personal and group inconveniences. Our motto should be that knowing the dark side, the intentionality of the positive messages should create bridges of connectivity with everyone... and as Master Yoda said to Luke Skywalker (The Empire Strikes Back) «Fear, anger, aggression, the dark side they are. If one day they rule your life, they will forever rule your destiny» and «May the force be with you.» in the search for and establishment of a communication of encounter and conciliation.
References
Duck, S. (1994) Meaningful relationships. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Howell, W. S. (1986) The emphatic communication. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth
Mortensen, C.D. (1997) Miscommunication. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
West R. & Turner L. (2005) Communication Theory. Spain: Mc Graw Hill
Zúñiga, C. (May 30, 2021) Drug trafficking, murders, femicides, robberies, the rising crimes that affect Ecuador and that the new government must combat. El Universo https://www.eluniverso.com/noticias/ecuador/narcotrafico-asesinatos-femicidios-y-robos-parte-de-los-delitos-en-alza-que-afectan-a-ecuador-y-que-debe-combatir-el-nuevo-gobierno-nota/
